I can’t lie, I miss you horribly right now. I never got to see that beautiful smile of yours or hear you cry or see or hear your heartbeat. It may sound crazy, but when I was on the phone I swear I heard someone say “Mommy”. It was just above a whisper and so light. Every day I look at my arm and see the scar from the scratch test. It’s a constant reminder of me losing you. I’m crying as I write this to you, my sweet little angel. I love you and I miss you. Even though you weren’t a part of me for very long, your a part of my heart. You will always be my angel. I’m sorry, I’d write more to you tonight, but I don’t think I have the heart tonight. Please know that I love you with all my heart.
Love always and forever,
I pulled myself out of bed this morning and attended church for the first time in almost five years seeking guidance. My heart ached throughout the service and tears slowly streamed down my face, one at a time. When it came time to pray at the altar, the song “Blessings” by Laura Story began to play and I could no longer fight back the tears that were quickly welling up in my eyes. My dear friends that I call family wrapped their arms around me and prayed for peace and acceptance for me. They prayed that you were in the arms of Jesus, happy and healthy.
My Daveigh, my heart aches without your presence inside of me. My mind wonders what you would have looked like and who you would have been. I visited your grave this morning and placed fresh gardenias on the ground for you. Gardenias represent joy and the color white represents purity. You were our joy and true purity.
I hope you will be proud of me. I want to become the Sunday School Teacher at church and build my relationship with God. I want to see your face again and Daveigh, I will do anything to do so. I love you my darling.