Dear Daveigh – The First Letter

Dear Daveigh,
At approximately 8:10am Saturday morning, you were born. You were the size of a blueberry in a sac the size of a marble. You had four little buds, two for hands and two for feet. You also had two eyes. You were so tiny and to see you like that, outside of my body, was probably the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. I’ve cried for you since the doctor told me yesterday to expect the worst. I’m not sure how or why this happened, all I know is that you’re in Heaven with Jesus and plenty of people that I know love you.

Daveigh, you will not have to endure suffering or heartache. You will not have to witness the ugliness of the world. No harm will ever come to you for you truly are in better hands. I wish more than anything that you could be with your father and I physically, but I know you will forever be with us all spiritually.

Daveigh, we love you more than our own lives and would have given anything to give you life. Please know that just because you are now in Heaven, that does not mean we don’t love you any less. In fact, we love you more. You are our Angel baby and we know that one day we will all be together again. Until then, please know that your great grandparents and the rest of our family will care for you and look after you.

My darling, I’m sorry for stressing out over the daily struggles we were facing. I feel as though your loss – or rather, your win – was due to my inability to let things go. I never wanted to hurt you and I in no way was truly ready to let you go.

At approximately 8:35pm Saturday evening, your father and I did what felt to be the most difficult thing on this Earth. We buried you. Your resting place is on the other side of our bedroom wall in a small wooden box to hold your tiny, delicate five week old body. We placed gardenias and mums upon your grave and Daddy made you a cross. We never wanted to let you go; if it were up to me, I’d hold you forever.

Daveigh, my darling child whose name means ‘beloved’, you will forever be in our hearts. You will forever be loved and wanted. You will forever be missed. I love you darling Daveigh, forever.

With love,
Your Mommy

Daveigh Barker
Born: May 19th, 2012
Died: May 19th, 2012

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2 responses to “Dear Daveigh – The First Letter

  1. I just wanted to tell you, it is not your fault. My heart goes out to you and your husband. You are in my thoughts and prayers. And you baby Daveigh loves you.

    • Thank you. I know it’s not my fault, but a part of me feels like it is. I know in time when I better accept the loss, I’ll stop blaming myself. The hardest part of today was explaining everything to our daughter and that mommy no longer had a baby in her belly.

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